Option 1: my "new" family doctor, rather my husband's doctor. I went to see him for one of those routine thingamabobs this summer, thinking "He's a homeschooler! What could be better?!?" Ugh... I thought I saw him at CVS the other day, and hid down the next aisle because of my imagined conversation - He says: "Hey! How are those inverted nipples?" Me: "Um, I think you have me confused ..." He say: "Right! That was the other homeschooling mom - you're the one with the ugly finger wart. By the way, did the freezing work for that?" Me: "It, uh, well ..."
Okaaaaay, I can see why Dr. D (hubby) doesn't buy this particular excuse, but what if I happen to run into this doc and his family at a homeschooling event? I know he wouldn't say those things, but he'd be thinking them. Or I would be, which is what matters now, isn't it?
On to option 2: my old family doctor whose office just recently moved to Mars (or somewhere thereabouts). "Hi! I've been your patient since I was 15, that's why my file is the size of a telephone book, and, well, yes, I know I haven't seen you in over four years, because I've been seeing my OB and my husband's doctor, because, well, I don't really like you (you could try smiling - it wouldn't kill you), but I like you better now since I'm not likely to ever see you outside of the office and even if I did you'd have no reason to recognize me so how about we get started?" I'm sure that would go over well.
So, option 3: my OB-GYN from my second child's (complicated) birth. "Hi! Remember me? Yeah, thought so given how much of a problem I was for everyone. Well, I have three kids now. Decided on a midwife and homebirth for the most recent addition, which went well, but now, see ..."
Sigh. That last one is looking like the best option at the moment. Now to pick up the phone and call.
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