Why I'm Not going to write Dollhouse tutorials (and links to all the best on the web)

For the past year and a bit Mud Pie and I have been working on the Epic Victoria's Farmhouse dollhouse. At the outset I thought, "Oooh, fun I can write up tutorials! Like how to run electricity, how to ..." I don't know, build a dollhouse.

And I could write those tutorials. Because we're building the dollhouse inch by inch and learning a heap. But I'm not going to write tutorials. Why? Well, take a look and see.

The already written tutorials (here!) on staining shingles and making faux wood floors.

Yes, that's egg carton!

Bricking the chimney: A tutorial on how to make the dollhouse chimney look like REAL BRICK with an old egg carton. Seriously, it's genius, simple and waaaaay easier than the floors. And clearly worked amazingly well. Find the tutorial here.

Electrical: The ins and outs of running tapewire (which autocorrect keeps changing to tapeworm. Um, not quite the same) in this tutorial here, which helped me see why my connections weren't working, and how to fix them!

General everythinging: The well-buried and hard-to-find "official" Victoria's Dollhouse assembly tips page! There are hundreds upon hundreds of photo-tutorials and tips for all the Real Good Toys dollhouses (tips transferrable to any dollhouse project). I mean, this page and the pages linked within are a treasure.

And when we finish the roof and glue on the porch, we'll stone up the foundation. Wouldn't you love to know how? Lookie here, someone has already written up a fabulous tutorial!

Plus my Pinterest where I will be pinning all the new, fabulous tutorials as I need them.

As of today, this is what our house looks like:

Victoria's Farmhouse Dollhouse Construction: A Year of Progress

Okay, so maybe assembling a dollhouse is a little more complicated than I thought. Here it is, almost a year later and we are STILL not done. We now have: a foundation, exterior walls, roof. Plus a few extras so complicated they require their own post. Like electricity!

Meh, it's not that complicated. Who wants to build a dollhouse in the summer when there are chickens to chase and bikes to ride? Downside of taking a six-month break, one may not read the directions thoroughly when starting back up. Imagine my horror when - just yesterday - I spotted a bottle of Tacky Glue under the worktable. I've been using Elmer's Glue-All for everything! Sure enough, the instructions recommended Tacky Glue. One frantic Google search later and I discovered Elmer's is a perfectly suitable construction glue. Panic averted. Mostly.

Following are some in-progress shots. It doesn't look quite as dramatic as it feels (paint! walls! floors!). Enjoy!

The happy (creepy) family. 

Look, honey, walls!

Mud Pie can't wait to play.

How to Fix those Horrid Bratz Dolls - Finally!

Mud Pie is a doll girl. She has Barbies and an American Girl Doll, but I've cringed every time we've seen any sort of made-up-to-absurdity doll, like Bratz. This woman has a brilliant fix! I happen to know from experience that doll faces can and do come off with nail polish remover. I had a creepy faceless Barbie for years (she wore a veil). I remember trying to draw her face back on, but it never looked right. Maybe it's time to try again. I'll be sure to post if I do.

Shingles and Corners and Chimneys, oh my!

On to the next step in building the Victoria's Farmhouse: pre-assembly. Like staining shingles and finally, finally getting out the bottle of glue.

First: I bought shingle dye from Hobby Lobby (they always have a 40% off coupon, fyi). And the instruction booklet had some involved shingle-dying trick involving a milk carton cut in half. It looked truly absurdly over-complicated and messy. The sort of technique a male would use because it involves tools and funnels and, well, over complicating something that should be simple. So I ignored the instructions. I did, however, use the rubber glove that came with the dye. Very glad for that glove.

Primary step involved mixing up the dye with two cups water. I used an old litter pan that I also use for lanolizing wool, soaking stained clothes, etc. 

Then Pie and I sprinkled the shingles in one handful at a time. After a good layer was in the dye, I shook them around then moved them off to the side. For the final few handfuls I had to hold the pan at an angle. The shingles soak up a lot of dye. 

Finally, I swished them around quite a lot. 

Then I spread handful after handful on a sheet of plastic. I didn't worry about separating clumps. 

By morning they were mostly dry. I shuffled them around a bit and by evening they seemed dry. I let them sit another night just to be sure. Then into a gallon Ziplock they went. All done, no mess, no weird milk jug contraptions, easy peasy. 

Shingles, check! But a certain Rowdy toddler is driving me to distraction so sharing progress on stairs and such will have to wait. 

Speaking of Rowdy... Here she is. 

It's So Logical: Why and How We Turn Dollhouse MFD Floors into Gorgeous Hardwood

So check out our homeschool lesson for today: logical syllogisms. There are NO fallacies in the following. None. I swear.
P1 Dollhouse floors - all dollhouse pieces, actually - come out of the box as bare, manufactured wood.
P2 Real houses have real floors.
P3 Really awesome houses have hardwood floors.
C1 If we want a really awesome dollhouse then it must have hardwood floors and not dumb manufactured wood floors.

It might seem odd to be thinking of finished floors before the dollhouse assembly is begun, but trust me, once walls are in, the technique below would not be possible. And since the result is so thoroughly awesome, well, it's worth the delayed gratification. Incidentally, I found this technique on YouTube and buried in links on the Victoria's Dollhouse website. Since the video is longish and the process is so involved, I'll share my tutorial below. Yes, I'm thoughtful like that. You're welcome.

1. Make a template on card stock or paper. The video suggested random-width flooring between 1/4 inch and 3/4 inch. At first I thought, "But floors aren't random width!" and then I thought, "Any little irregularity will be so obvious," so I decided, "Yes, random width it is!" I kept mine, for the main floor, closer to 1/2 inch, give or take.

2. Transfer marks to the floor. DO NOT FORGET the access bay floor! Wouldn't it suck to spend all this time making the floor awesome only to open the access bay and see ... blech, manufactured wood. Puke. I'd have to drag all my paints out again and halt production just for those tiny strips of wood. Which would suck. So DON'T FORGET! Seriously. Don't.

3. Now's the fun part. Connect the dots. Use a straight-edge that is long enough to span the entire floor. Hold it down really really really tightly, and/or put double-sided tape on the back to help it stay put. I didn't bother with tape because I am just that strong, baby. Use the side of a flathead screwdriver, or an awl. But be careful because awls are awlfully dangerous. Hahaha.

See here, I'm dragging the awl across the board against the straight edge (a level, in my case). Do one pass somewhat lightly, but don't be afraid to really lean into it after that. Give it power. Muscle. Make those spaghetti arms burn! The groove should be deep enough to guide a folded sheet of sandpaper. I found six heavy passes did great. A stronger, burlier person might do fine with four.

4. Sand the whole thing with 60-80 grit sandpaper. In the direction of the grain (the boards, since MFD has no grain. Duh.). Again, don't forget that pesky access bay floor!!! The goal here is to smooth out the surface and rough it up a bit to give the finished floor more texture.

5. With a finer-grit sandpaper that's folded, sand the grooves. This is painstakingly slow, tedious, boring, but is one of the most important steps. 

6. Here you see Mud Pie cleaning out the grooves with a stiff kitchen brush. Not shown is me doing it again and then vacuuming up the dust. Because there's quite a lot of dust. Tip: Keep the door to your workroom closed or you will find dusty cat prints all over your house.

7 maybe? I forget. Gather acrylic paints as desired. Use just one color, cream for a more subtle base, or yellow for warmth. I added a bit of red for variation because I dig variation, and heaven forbid I ever follow instructions exactly. I was a little worried I'd screw it up, but kept that thought to myself. Mud Pie, however, was more than a little skeptical. She's seen enough of my projects, however, to know she can trust me (or so she said. She later confessed that she was knotted up with worry that it would look awful. So was I.).

8. Working very fast, brush on the paint, working in sections if it's a large area, and wipe almost all the paint off with a paper towel. Or several paper towels.

9. Before the paint is fully dry, clean out the grooves with the awl.

10. Once dry, sand with coarse sandpaper once more. If needed, run a piece of sandpaper down the grooves again.

11. And clean thoroughly again. Notice the variations from cream to pink to yellow. At this point I'm wondering if I made a very large mistake.

12. And now the fun part. Or the *next* fun part since I already had a fun part. Squirt your Minwax Express (find it online or at Home Depot) non-penetrating stain on your clean, sanded, painted floor and spread it around quickly, making sure to flood the grooves. I did not work in sections, but I wish I had because this stuff dries fairly fast. Using a paper towel, wipe in the direction of the grain, back and forth, in large, sweeping motions. Try not to wipe at an angle. P.s. Wearing a mismatched sweater/tunic combo is an essential element. I don't know why it wasn't mentioned in the video.

At first you'll be removing a lot of the stain, which is ok. Continue as the surface dries. Back and forth, back and forth, touching the surface more lightly each time.

The variation is quite pretty, and startlingly authentic. Here it is still wet as I'm wiping, wiping wiping. Keep at it until it dries (about 10 minutes). 

Finally: Allow to dry for at least three hours, then coat with Minwax polycrylic (a non-yellowing alternative to polyurethane). And enjoy the payoff! A stunning hardwood floor that will run through your yet-to-be-built dollhouse. We can still lay tile in kitchens or baths, install carpet, or do whatever we'd like. But we won't have to for the dollhouse to look awesome. Who knows, maybe all Mud Pie will want to do is throw down some rugs? 

For the rest of my posts about creating Victoria's Dollhouse, click on the Childhood Reclamation Project label below this post.

Victoria's dollhouse the Real Step 1: inventory

Well, well, well. The instructions were VERY correct in suggesting that we go through the box piece by piece and sort, number, label, and cross off every item. Of course to do this we need a dedicated place to work. Unlike, say, the dining room table. That's where what little progress that happened on my childhood dollhouse actually happened. Ah, that old dining room with the teal indoor-outdoor carpeting (later replaced by brown shag). One would think the basement would be a better place to work. That's where my rock tumbler was. Where there was a paper cutter and tables and desks. Where I rode my tricycle when I was probably three years old. But the basement wasn't an option. By the time I got the dollhouse, the basement was, ahem, full.

But my basement isn't full! Hence two sawhorses, a big hunk-o-wood, and the laundry room. What's most fun is Mud Pie helped me set up this little workstation long before she opened her Christmas present. Did she suspect a thing? Nope. She thought it was a gift-wrapping station. Turns out, it made a splendid place to wrap gifts!

Here we are with the instructions open, baby monitor monitoring, sticky notes, tape, tacky glue. We're ready to rock.

And here a box, labeled by the number given in the instructions. Small pieces in bags (so the cat doesn't run off with them), large pieces on a card table, grouped by number.

So organized! Isn't it pretty?

Here the one item with a missing piece. A missing piece, I say! A single slice of trim, a lonely little check mark I can't yet put on the materials list.

I emailed and was told that they'd ship missing parts for free only once, i.e., make sure I counted everything, which I did. Except shingles and dowels. And window panes. Maybe I should get to counting... Sigh. And here I thought I was done.

For more on the project, click on the Childhood Reclamation Project label below.

Crafting the Epic Victoria's Farmhouse Dollhouse Step 1: Paint n stuff

I think I mentioned my childhood dollhouse experience, and my commitment to not allow the same sad fate to plague my own daughter thirty years from now. But ... good intentions aren't always realized. We've been so busy and this project is so overwhelming and ... Kidding!

The first step to any dollhouse-construction project is to determine a color scheme. I mean, you don't have to I guess. You can glue it together and slosh whatever paint you have all over the unsanded, bare wood. Like the gloppy leftover stuff in the back of the basement closet. It worked for me as a child, and the effect was rather like a third-world outhouse. I pointed this out to Mud Pie when she was in the throes of impatient agony. "We could use hot glue and poster paint, but if that's what you really want, let's return the kit and tape some cardboard boxes together."

Paint is important. Paint is probably more important than getting the windows in straight and the door on right-side-up. Ok, maybe not, but it's important. The kit instructions clearly say to paint before handling the pieces, to sand after each coat, and to be a totally anal perfectionist (as opposed to an overly eager 9-year-old girl). Unlike with my childhood dollhouse's many little bottles of craft acrylics, we're using Benjamin Moore paints. We can get sample pints mixed up in eggshell finish for a reasonable charge, which will be more than enough for our project.

So we looked at dollhouses (and houses) online, decided what she liked (NOT pink or purple, heaven be praised) and went to Benjamin Moore's website to try out some color schemes. Their Virtual Paint Your Room app is astounding. We picked a house with the features of our dollhouse (trim, shutters, and, uh, walls) and tried paint combinations until we were happy with the result. Mud Pie's conclusion:

Sadly Mud Pie had to wait until yesterday - a full Two Days after unwrapping her dollhouse - to get the paint. Poor darling. Wait until I tell her we next have to label all the parts with sticky notes!

What to do when you royally f@ck your Chalk Paint: Decoupage!

Remember the Craigslist changing table? Remember the chalk paint? The problem of over-distressing? Yes? Good. Because my crazy alternat plan involved gluing bunches of little pieces of paper to it and covering it with Polycrylic. Yes, that would be decoupage!

What is decoupage? It's a decorative technique that involves covering something with glue-soaked fabric, paper, etc. and topping it off with a clear finish. There's an official craft store decoupage glue-and-finish in one, but I find watered down Elmer's and Minwax Polycrylic more cost effective. So here's how it works.

1. Prepare your surface. Typically a good cleaning is enough, but since I was going over fresh-ish paint, I wanted to rough things up a bit. I had good help!

2. Find the right images. Anything can work. Pages from old books (I'm just unable to rip up books, so I had Dr. D print pictures on the color laser printer), newspapers, old calendars, that pricey scrap booking paper, thin fabric, your kids' drawings, etc. assemble your papers and cut or tear as desired. Then give them a dip in plain water. Not too long. Five or ten seconds. Enough to make it supple without turning it to mush.

3. Coat or dip your paper in your glue wash. I use one part glue to maybe two parts water, but it needn't be exact. Milky color and texture. I dip small pieces and use a sponge applicator for larger ones. I also keep some straight glue and a tiny paintbrush on hand for tricky bends and corners.

4. Apply to your surface. I often moistened that with glue-water too, then smoothed it on with wet hands or a wet brush. Don't overwork it or the paper could tear, though you will have a few seconds if you need to reposition a piece, etc. A tip here: I find if I need to fit an odd spot it is much easier to cut the paper while dry than when it's wet! And smaller pieces are easier to work around curves than larger ones.

5. Once dry, put coat after coat of Polycrylic over top. I sanded lightly between coats for this, but on other projects I haven't. Same result.

Enjoy!

Rowdy is a bit big for this changing table, but it works! Her coming baby sibling will fit just fine.

Nesting Gone Awry: DIY Chalk Paint with Diatomaceous Earth

The best thing about Craigslist is finding treasures for cheap. The worst thing: cheap treasures often need a good helping of TLC. Take this incredible changing table, for example.

White, but peeling and scuffed, and at some point in the past touched up with a shade of white not quite the same as the original. The solution? Fresh paint! And since I love the creamy look of chalk paint and hoped to match the other antique furniture in the nursery, my choice was easy. 

Next step, look up recipes online and realize I don't have the slightest idea where to buy calcium carbonate locally, and don't want to wait for shipping, don't like the idea of plaster of Paris dust around the kids, and I just happened to have this in my garage:

Again, easy answer. 50lbs of diatomaceous earth (bought for chicken keeping) would be more than enough (as in waaaaaay more than enough). My recipe: 1/4 Cup DE, 1/2 Cup paint, 2 Tbsp water.

First scoop your DE and add the water. Then whisk until smooth-ish.

Whisk some more after adding the paint. I used a basic Valspar white.

Here it is after the first coat:

You can see how nice and thick it is, though it clearly needs a second coat.

Ah, better. It dried very quickly. Like ten minutes. I then took it inside and distressed with all the typical tools of the trade.

Oh, but do let the paint cure a bit before distressing or you might end up rubbing off the paint in big chunks. Since the white was so very WHITE and stark, I added a bit of patina by making a paint-water wash and applying carefully around the edges. Be warned: chalk paint devours color and it's very easy to over-distress a piece by doing this! Steel wool too tends to leave a gray coloration over the finished product.

One could finish with wax or a coat of varnish of choice: poly, minwax polycrylic (my pick), shellac. See below the drawer post-distressing.

Remember that thing I said about over-distressing? Yes, I did that. Above is just the drawer. I really went to town on it after that. I felt the piece looked more shabby than chic, so much that I didn't even take pictures. After some tears and profanity I decided to go a different route. Decoupage! Fun! That lesson is coming soon.