Showing posts with label Gone Fishing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gone Fishing. Show all posts

Mama's 12 Days of Christmas, Day 7

On the Seventh Day of Christmas...
Seven (thousand) errands running
Six squabbles settling 
Five pizzas gluten free!
Four singing siblings
Three cup cakes
Two root beer mugs
And one just-turned-12-year-old Birthday Boy!

Yes I've entirely given up rhyme and rhythm. I'm writing this while a ear-infected little love snores on my chest so my literary standards are a bit lax right now. Fish will get his real celebration when we're all healthy. He has requested bowling with friends. Um. Fun. 

One of THOSE People

I'm becoming one of them. Those mamas with the cell phone poised, snapping low quality digital images. My kids (to post in Facebook), the coffee pot I might buy, so I can compare prices, the kids again. What fun!

I snickered at people like me not long ago. For no good reason. Just certain Luddite sensitivities. No longer! I'm converted. And to prove it, I'm going to post a picture every day this year. Maybe. If I remember. In fact, here's one now.

And wouldn't you know, the year is over. Sneaky me!

The Same Dumb Mistake

What is with me/us? We keep making the same moronic decision year after year after ...

This morning Dr. D and I had the last of our hastily rescheduled parent-teacher conferences. Today, St. Nick. Overall a glowing report. He's smart, creative, a good kid. But in eerie similarity to Fish's conference last week, St. Nick is distracted, unfocussed, rushes through his work without attending to detail. Fish, in addition, talks obsessively and in great detail about Minecraft.

Minecraft. Ah. Ugh. Mine-crap, we've come to call it (with a German accent, of course - Mein Crap!).
In many ways it's a fabulous game. Not even a game. A creative universe. I mean, I've played the pocket edition a couple of times. I dug a tunnel through a mountain and marked the entrances with torches and made a staircase to the mountain top where I started on a house before I got bored. If I had patience/coordination/unlimited TIME to waste, I could easily spend hours and hours and hours creating all sorts of cool places. And I don't even know how to spawn or make a crafting table! St. Nick has won awards of some sort for his skins and other designs. Fish talks on the phone with his school chum while they both play on the same server. I hear little shrieks of, "No, no! He got my pickaxe! It was a diamond pickaxe!" Jillions of parents rave about and defend the game, saying it's educational and creative and encourages all the right things.

The Many Questions of Fish: Take Two

"Mom, hey Mama? Is it possible to make a giant robotic stuffed animal to help old people but then the makers make it turn EVIL?"
"Hey Mom? Why does the government steal from people? Is it because they're butt faces?"

"Hey Mama, would this be a useful grenade: a tomato grenade?"

"Mom? Hey Mom? Why is the liberty bell in a huge glass dome? Isn't it easy to rob?"

"Hey Mama. How much do miners get paid? Is it like the highest paying - uh, duh! They mine for GOLD!"

"Hey Mom? How big is Brazil?"

"Mom, Mama? Who invented paper? Was it the Egyptians? Or the Romans or the Greeks, no not them, they invented wrestling."

The Many Questions of Fish

Little Fish is in a delightful phase I don't remember St. Nick going through at age 8ish. He asks questions.

Yes, of course Nick asked (and still asks) questions. But his questions are more, um, grounded. Take, for example the question he asked about a year ago. "Mom, when did you and Dad have sex to make the baby?" Hello math lesson.

Fish's questions are ... different.
Fish's Picture - Intended for use on t-shirts
Hey Mom? If we had a baby polar bear would we keep it in the freezer?

Hey Mom? If you had on a meat vest and saw a pack of wild dogs and ran away would they chase you?

Hey Mom? What if you dropped a potion in a cemetery and all the people came up out of the ground as zombies?

Hey Mom? Mama? Mom? Wouldn't it be cool if gravity didn't exist?

Hey Mom? Where do homeless people go to hang out?

Hey hey Mom? Did Clifford get so big from radiation? Or from steroids?

This was from one ten minute drive. One. Ten Minute Drive. What's more fun, no matter what I'm doing Fish never hesitates to come ask me one of his questions. Just a second ago: Hey Mom? Don't you think the Lego makers should start making Power Miners again? He was on to something else before I could remember what "Power Miners" were.

Dear Teachers of the World

At this very moment, I have five field trip info sheets on my refrigerator. One Field Day sheet, one special book report thingy to do (another sheet), and the various papers of info for other activities like ballet recital info for Mud Pie, band concert for St. Nick. Just a moment ago I received an SOS from Fish's teacher: "We need drivers for the field trip tomorrow! And volunteers for the end of school party! And items for the gift for our student teacher! And a lunch mom for today!" And and and and ...

I know not everyone at this school has four kiddos; some might consider four kiddos about two (or three) too many. But I do know everyone with kids at any school is busy up to their eyeballs at the end of May. Whether planning vacations (oh, to be so lucky!), fixing backpacks and homework folders so they can last three more weeks, or debating 5th graders on the value of practicing their band instrument when the school year is so close to being over. We're swamped.

Teachers, I love you. But can we breathe a little? Regain our sanity a moment?

Ok, I'm being whiney. Call the Waaaahmbulance. Why so grumpy, you ask? I think it was second grade.

I'm in favor of parent involvement. Of course I am! I was on library committee until Rowdy was born, I take photos for Boosters, I've tried to plan one party and drive for one field trip for each kid this year. We've attended nearly all special events from Carnival to concerts to Fund Racer to Mom's and Dad's nights. But add to this volunteer involvement, mandatory involvement and you get ... me. annoyed.

For Fish's class we started the year with Log Cabins. A "family" project. I spent hours picking up sticks, showing Fish how to use the hot glue gun, collecting pebbles, scouring the craft store for deals. I got photos from Grandma Daisy -- Fish's Great Grandma who was born in a log cabin in, like, 1815 (kidding Gram!!! XOXO!!!) -- and made a cute little "What it was like in the Log Cabin" info sheet from a letter Gram wrote. I even hooked a mini rug for the teeny tiny log cabin's sandpaper floor and planted real plants in the teeny tiny log cabin garden.


Once that project was over, we had a Biography Poster. I spent a lot less time with Fish picking a biography from the library, typing his report as he dictated, helping him find photos of King Tut online, helping him glue them to his poser board, encouraging (forcing) him to color and decorate his poster.

After that we had the Revolutionary War Wax Theartre. This was St. Nick's project, not Fish's, but still. Weeks of Goodwill Hunting, sewing, listening to St. Nick practice his speech, more sewing. A little more sewing. (I believe I've mentioned my hatred for sewing.) All to transform St. Nick into a very convincing young Benedict Arnold.

And now, at the very end of the school year. Fish again. Chapter Book project with ... drum roll.

Hats. Homemade hats. Homemade @#$%$#@ hats.

I don't know, I think this was the straw that broke the camel's hat. Back. Whatever. Fish called while I was at the grocery store last night to tell me he made his hat. With duck tape and peppermints. My thought? Thank god, now I don't have to help him with it. Has he read the book for the report yet? Um, I haven't asked. And you know what? I might not. That's just the kind of negligent mom I am.

Fun on the Run!

It was raining when I got out of the shower (at noon! Ah, love these lazy mornings). I'd promised the kiddos I would show up for the Fund Racer. But I was tired, hadn't had lunch, and it was raining.

Did I mention it was raining?

To go, not to go. I was leaning toward Not. This Fund Racer - a healthy alternative to selling candy and other fundraisers - was an unknown. I'd not been to the track neighboring the field. Where would I park?

My agoraphobia has been up a bit lately. Maybe pregnancy hormones, or fatigue (also hormones?). Whatever the reason, I'd given in on Monday and skipped the rug hooking group. Too far away, I told myself. I'd squeaked by on a phone call, sending an email instead. And I've been avoiding thinking about my prenatal visit and the always-fun glucose test ...

I realized what was going on, and got my tushie in the car. So what if it was raining? I'd just plan on getting wet.

Well. Can I just say I'm glad I went? (Oh, and the rain stopped before I pulled into the parking lot.)


I stayed all afternoon. Until my memory card filled up and I realized I was about to faint from hunger.

Cousins, Identical Cousins

That title is supposed to be sung to the tune of ... oh, what show was that? Ah, Patty Duke (thank you Google). Last week Fish and Mag and St. Nick and I all went to visit cousins about an hour away. My three kids were well matched with the other four - there's a lot of energy in this group, to be sure.

I can't imagine a more perfect day. Warm but not blistering, sunny but not blazing. We had hot dogs and cucumbers and watermelon and iced tea and popsicles. We had a water balloon fight, and finally all ended up in the pool. Yes, even the moms.

The older kids took turns on the diving board. Or rather didn't take turns!


One might think Fish is the swimmer of the bunch, but nope. St. Nick jumped off without floaties or life jacket. Fish, well, he likes to be prepared ...


The kiddos and I also left with a car load of gear for Baby. I drove home in a quiet van with three sleeping children. I was tired too, and grateful for the fellowship of family.

Missing Members

Bedtime rolled around with the usual mix of exhaustion (parents) and bickering (Pie and Fish). This time the argument was over who brushed teeth first. Everyone ended up frustrated, so we spent some time in Pie's room sitting together and talking about Family and how much we love one another. Little hearts softened, siblings made up and said Good Nights and I Love Yous. All was well.

But then Pie started to cry.

"What's wrong?"

"I miss St. Nick!"

See, big brother has been with Grandma in Ohio for the past week. "We all miss him," I said, and Fish started to cry too. Soon Dr. D and I were joining in. Our family hasn't felt complete to me for the past seven days, but I hadn't known the little ones felt it too.

So to soothe our hearts, we called Grandma and said Good Night to St. Nick, then Fish and Mag each put a picture of their big brother in their room. We pick St. Nick up on Tuesday, which isn't soon enough for any of us.

Another Week, Another Test

That would be a test for Little Fish. He had his Young 5s/Kindergarten assessment this week. I thought he did great. A little shy, but came back smiling. Only he came back with the occupational therapist (who was like fifteen - no, not really, but it seemed like it) who then gave me a handout and instructions on how to improve his fine motor skills.
Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Huh? What's wrong with his fine motor skills? Oh, he can't hold a pencil right, and his sister draws almost as well (and she's 1.5 years younger). He did start drawing people with eyes and limbs. I was so excited about this when it happened a few weeks back. But ... I guess I should have been more focused on why he hadn't been drawing people with arms and legs earlier. You know, focus on his deficits rather than his strengths?

Attack at Playland!

Frazzled already and it was only Wednesday morning, so I decided to treat the little ones to some time at the McDonald's playland. As usual, I got in, sent the big kids to play while I ordered with Mud Pie. The boys hurried back out for their food, gulped it down, and headed back in, only I noticed a handful of other kids were in the playland too, older ones. So instead of sitting right outside the playland doors (where it's quieter), I braved the shrieks and found a table right by the twisty slide. Good thing I did.

No sooner had I set my soda down Fish and Pie came running, crying that they'd been pushed on the slide. The culprit was a developmentally challenged youngster who was there with a couple of others like him and a couple of adults (chatting across the room). I convinced my kids to let it go, to return to the slides, and throughout the next hour the pushing child managed to hit, push, even spit on every other kid in the place. One family left in disgust after the spitting; I just warned Fish and St. Nick to keep their distance.

They tried, but in those plastic tunnels anything can happen. Right as I was thinking we should leave, St. Nick ran out of the play area, steaming mad. "That kid scratched my eye! Right here! He's a bad kid, what a BULLY!" (Thanks, Grandma, for making my kids bully-phobes.)

I calmly started explaining (once I saw that the scratch was really tiny) that the boy was different, that he didn't understand how to behave because of his limitations and whatnot. That's when Fish let out with a shriek.

He shrieks a lot, but something in the tone, the sheer shock and terror of it caught me. I closed my computer, got up. "Fish? Fish? St. Nick, go see what's wrong with him."

St. Nick scurried into the tunnel while Fish continued to shriek hysterically. Several other adults came to make sure it wasn't their own kid screaming (since they do often sound alike at this age).

"He's biting him! He's biting him!"

Finally, finally the adults with the special needs kids roused themselves. One scurried into the tunnels and said, "He's ok, but there's a kid in here who's bleeding."

Fish emerged from the slide slowly, hand cupped over his nose, blood mixing with tears, flowing over his fingers, down his chin. A mom behind me gasped. I choked back a cry and gathered Fish up and took him to our table where I gave him a napkin and set to seeing, first, where the blood was coming from. Out of the nose, on the nose, his cheek. Everywhere, it seemed. Before I knew it, the McDonald's staff was taking down my address for an incident report, the nurse at the next table over was handing me baby wipes, I was digging into my purse for an emergency Xanax. I found it but had blood and tears to wipe, and vomit now too, thanks to Fish's reflux issues. Fears flooded me - a bite, a human bite. This could mean infection or worse: hepatitis, rabies, HIV.

The kind McDonald's folk found antiseptic wipes, a bandaid, and I searched the crowd to make sure the other child and his ... parent? had stuck around. They were still there.

I approached. "Um, I just wanted to know, if, well, sorry to ask this, but does your boy have any medical issues I should be aware of? Hepatitis? Anything like that?"

No, but they'd have to check his file back at the school, they're his teachers, see, and really he's never done anything like this before and wow, you're so calm, thank you for being calm, mom's usually aren't so calm ...

I went back to my table and took that Xanax.

Eventually all the questions were answered, the biter's teacher joked with the McDonald's manager about insurance ("I dunno about that," the manager said, "I don't think it would apply cause this wasn't our fault." "But we couldn't see through those tunnels," the teacher said, then backtracked at the evil look the manager gave her. Just a joke, she said.). Finally I got what might have been an apology from the teacher, and the nurse kindly urged me to take my little guy to the ER.

After a call to Dr. D, who called the pediatrician, and another nudging from the nurse, we did just that (Urgent Care Center up the road) and Fish got put on some seriously strong antibiotics. And, after a supper of salami sandwich on potato roll, a Fish favorite, we went out for ice cream. He's in bed now, but Dr. D just had to settle him again - he's afraid of having a nightmare about bullies. I don't blame him. It's not every day you meet a seven-year-old vampire in McDonald's playland.

Here he is, bitten Fish:
IMG_8824

Our First "Vacation" Day

Or Mental Health Day or sick day (more mental illness than anything, though the kids do have colds). Whatever you want to call it, school just isn't happening today.

And here's why:

The morning started typically. We had breakfast, I nuked my coffee about fifteen times because it kept getting cold, St. Nick wanted to try tea, didn't like it, so it got dumped and he got coffee instead, I took a shower and the little ones decided a bath would be nice.

And then ...

Well, let me backtrack. As I was getting St. Nick's tea, I noticed the door under the sink open. Huh? Had I left it dangling? Maybe. I shrugged, closed it, went on with tea making. A few minutes later I had to run into another room, and when I came back the door was hanging open again. Fish or Pie throwing something in the trash, I assumed. Why else would it be open?

Now fast forward. Bath is drawn, Mud Pie is in the water, I'm in the midst of getting my own tea and I'm chatting with St. Nick about his friend's birthday the following day. Fish heads up to jump in the bath and asks if he can bring his Noah's Ark. Sure, sure, whatever. Just get in there so I can start school with your brother!

Splish, splash, the little two are taking a bath and I realize, Oh! The water! It's still on, and this tub fills up faster than our old house's tub, so I go up and wonder what the nice smell is. Did they already get into the soap?

Well, no. And yes.

The water is blue and flecked with dark navy things. And there's something icky, sort of slimy in the water. I pick one slimy blue glob up, stare at it a moment. Then it hits me.

The dishwasher soap! We'd had a coupon for Electrasol gel packs and there was a brand new, month's-worth box ... under the kitchen sink.

The open door, Fish and Pie's squirrelly eagerness to get in that water. It's all coming together as I scoop partially-dissolved gel packs out of the bath. I scoop the kids out too, drain, wash the tub, rinse the toys, draw a new bath and scrub the thick film of dishwasher soap off their little hides (which were in danger of being tanned at that point, I was so upset with them). I took their drippy little selves, wrapped in towels, down to the scene of the crime and told them to never, ever, EVER!!!!!! get into the cupboard again.

We started the day with 31 gel packs, and since not all would fit in the ark and some I found on the family room floor, we now have 12.

And school didn't happen. We made Autumn placemats out of last year's dried leaves and clear contact paper instead.

Grand Ohio Adventure

One full day back and hardly a moment to reflect. In short, the visit to Dr. D's parents Thursday through Saturday was one of the easiest but strangest we've had.

First, we went out for pizza with Dr. D's parents to our absolute favorite pizza place ever - Marion's, which defines good pizza. Really. It just doesn't get better, even if it comes on cardboard trays and we all were crammed in a corner of a very busy restaurant. Delicious and fun. After which we all went to the pool. Dr. D's dad hung out in the hot tub and his mom sat and watched while the rest of us frolicked. Or while Fish and Mud Pie frolicked and St. Nick screeched every time anyone came near him. The water was only up to his chest, but he's always been touchy about the water. Swimming lessons were a disaster, and that was when he was 2.

Now for the strange thing: We stayed in a hotel. A Residence Inn, to be exact - two bedroom suite with a living room and kitchen. All to ourselves! It was bliss. Well, mostly. We expected it to be bliss, and it sure seemed like it would be. Night one we put the boys down in the queen bed and Mud Pie in a portable crib (she barely fit) and all were out by 9pm. Only Mud Pie awoke a handful of times between 11pm and 3am. 3am is when Fish's cough woke him, and heaven forbid he be awake alone. So he chatted to St. Nick until he woke, and Pie of course joined in the fun. Dr. D went in with Fish, St. Nick came in with me, and Pie lay awake happily kicking her feet in the crib. Finally, around 4am I sent St. Nick to the couch (far, far too wiggly) and slept until 7:30. That was good enough for me. I let Dr. D snooze until 8:30, but I knew breakfast was done at 9, so we all dragged out of bed and had a truly incredible full hot delicious breakfast. With coffee. Lots of coffee (for lucky Dr. D. I'm off caffeine).

And what do good hotel-staying parents do after breakfast? Return to the pool, of course! More frolicking (Fish and Pie). More screaming (St. N.). But fun.

Now, after the pool, the parents got smart. We went to Walmart and bought children's Nyquil and some pool floaty toys, like an inner tube and a raft. But, alas, next stop was not the pool, it was a shopping center to meet Dr. D's parents for lunch.

We got there half hour early. And we saw this fascinating restaurant called The Pub with authentic British goodies, and Dr. D and I were dying to go there, and we even convinced the in-laws to go there, and it was fabulous - the decor, the menu, the servers, only ... there was no children's menu. So, despite being slightly embarrassed (mostly me, and slightly is a slight understatement) we left and went to Panera instead. There we learned that a kids menu is not a must since our kids don't eat real food anyway. They were cranky (see above on how we all slept), we were cranky, the poor in-laws didn't know what to do with us.

Dr. D wanted some time to talk with his dad before he starts stem cell replacement next week (can understand that), so Mom and I took the kids and walked around the shopping center. Highlights: Great bookstore, cool bathrooms (sigh. life with kids), and nice level sidewalks for running.

IMG_7194

We fetched Dr. D and Dad and went back to Legacy (where they live) to hang out. There I remembered exactly why we opted for a hotel, and decided that yes, a night of very little sleep was much better than seven people in a two-bedroom, one bath townhouse. We took a walk, and ate a yummy dinner, and spent some time gabbing, and went back to the hotel where we ... drum roll ... went to the pool! Much more fun for St. Nick with the floating toys.

IMG_7276

After which we made use of the Nyquil and let St. Nick stay up so Fish and Pie could sleep. Then he slept on the sofa and we slept (wonderfully) in the other room. Next morning was yet another delicious breakfast and yet another visit to the pool. I was getting a little pooled-out by that point.

And then it was time for the six hour drive home. Heaven be praised for technology, like VCRs in minivans. Since then we've gone to church (fantastic service), straightened the house for two Sunday afternoon showings, visited two open houses (one of which I went to myself while Dr. D and the [fussy] kids waited in the van), ran an abundance of errands, and finally really truly came home.

For a photo-journey of our trip, click here.

Week in the Life: A Report

I've been using Homeschool Tracker, but the past few weeks I just couldn't think clearly enough to plan/keep up with it. I may not go back, which is a freeing thought. Anyway, I may well be procrastinating on judging an entry to the ACFW's Genesis contest right now, but I haven't done a school update in ages, since I started using HST, and I feel like doing one now. So, here it is! (That contest entry will still be there tomorrow. It really will. Sigh.)

What we did and how it went...

Monday the 17th:
Leading Little Ones to God, lesson 49.
Read You Wouldn't Want to be in Alexander the Great's Army in its entirety.
Had a picnic in the living room. Not really school, but fun and out of the ordinary.
Review #5 in Singapore Math 1B. All fine except skip counting by fives.

I thought we needed more work on skip counting, but later St. Nick counted by fives without issue. I don't know why he got hung up on it in the review.

Tuesday:
LLOTG, 50.
Math topic 8, ex. 46. (Numbers to 100)
Scholastic Success with First Grade worksheets on maps - borders (pp. 284-5).
Ancient Greeks (Usborne). St. Nick read this himself, supposedly, and drew a rather hasty sketch in his history notebook of ... I don't recall and I don't feel like getting up to look and I might not know what it is even if I did.
Read another chapter of Mouse and the Motorcycle (Beverly Cleary).

Wednesday:
LLOTG 51 (St. Nick and I alternated reading paragraphs).
Math ex. 47-48.
St. Nick looked at Dangerous Journey (a retelling of Pilgrim's Progress, which we'd read a few months ago).
Looked briefly at Life in Ancient Athens (which wasn't very interesting for either of us, sorry to say).
Read Alexander and the Stallion (by Elizabeth Westra, also known as Grandma).
St. Nick read Jason and the Golden Fleece independently. Or at least read some and looked at the pictures. I'm not sure.
Scholastic Worksheets on Naming Words (pp. 199-201).

Thursday:
St. Nick watched television and played computer allllll day while Grandma W. read a book or read to Mud Pie and while Mom and Dad had Fish at the hospital for his surgery. Not very happy about this.
Practice for the big day!

Friday (today!):
LLOTG 51.
Math ex. 49-50.
Scholastic Worksheets on maps (US map), and on exclamation sentences.
Read King Midas and the Golden Touch by Charlotte Craft.
St. Nick read Mouse Tales by Arnold Lobel independently. He finished it pretty quickly, so I'm not positive he didn't skip words, though he was able to narrate back. Hmmm. Isn't he too young to be speed-reading?

It was also a no-computer day (see comment on yesterday), which meant St. Nick spent most of his time pacing and being bored. I relaxed the computer rules when I was ill, so for two weeks he played in the afternoon. Now I'm regretting it. Gone is the boy who raids the recycle bin to "invent" things with tape and cardboard and paper clips. Back to the boy who sits and whines, "What am I going to do? I'm soooo booooorrrreeeeddddd!" Huge melodramatic sigh. We're giving the laptop to Dr. D's father, now that Dr. D has his laptop from the office, but our desktop (out for repairs since November) will be coming back this weekend with Uncle. Drat! Maybe we really should get rid of it altogether.

Fish also did some work this week, like had surgery and a pre-op tour of the hospital. We've read a handful of books to him, including his all-time favorite of Yoko by Rosemary Wells.

Overall, a good and very busy week! I'd say "now to those contest entries" but it's too late for that. Mud Pie will be up soon, and I don't really want to read them today anyway. How convenient.

All Done!! Fish's First Surgery

Today marked the first surgery ever for any of the children - Little Fish to have a hernia repaired.

He did so incredibly well! We were at the hospital two days ago for a tour, which did wonders to alleviate his fears. He bopped right into the hospital with only a little hesitation (because we didn't go immediately to the play room). He loved the hospital PJs, was a sport with temperature taking and blood pressure cuffs and other kids in the play area. I was expecting him to be more of a Thunder Cloud, and I was pleasantly surprised to see him winning over all the nurses with his cute little self.

After surgery, however, he was a sleepy guy! It was a good half hour before he stirred in recovery, and we had another hour before he was ready for some bites of Popsicle and sips of juice. And after that, he fell back asleep until we woke him to get dressed.

After which he promptly vomited.

Overall, a very positive experience (as positive as surgery and hospitals can get, I think). But no swimming for him, so no visiting the hotel pool with Uncle and Aunt and Cousin this weekend.

Here he is just waking up:













And here getting some ice chips from Dr. D.

All of December

We potty trained Little Fish.

It went well.
It was hell.
He's done now.
School just didn't happen very much.

As of today, back on track.

What Freud Never Told Us: Potty Envy

I am coming out of week one of Potty Boot Camp. This would be with Little Fish. I’ve done potty before with his older brother, so I should have been prepared. But as with all big changes, like having a newborn, that first week is horrible. Nothing but emotion, adjustment, exhaustion. I’d forgotten about that.
Welcome to the Christmas Potty!
Come to our house for a Christmas Potty!
There was one thing I could not have known because I’d never done it before. St. Nick was an only child when he went through PTBC, and he switched from diapers to puppy pants (his phrase, I have no idea why) with little complication. But Fish, with St. Nick and the baby? Complication, indeed.

The baby is as reasonable a seventeen-month-old as one can expect. Slightly jealous when I hold a friend’s baby, but not yet in the terrible twos. Until Potty Day.

Mud Pie cannot get over the potty. It is her throne, her private chair—strange for a child who is not yet walking and who ignored the potty for the past six months, when I had it out “in preparation.” Whenever her brother sits on it, she throws herself on her face and wails. He has taken to grabbing her around her little middle and hauling her away so he can do his job. All the while saying, “No baby, NO Baby!”

And St. Nick, whom I expected to be excited and helpful with this task (I mean, this is a kid who lives for talk of poop and pee pee, for all things gross and stinky), morphed into a toddler when Boot Camp began. Fish would get a treat for having dry pants, and St. Nick would demand, “Where’s mine? I have dry pants too!”

“Well, yes. You do. But you already know how to use the potty.”

For some reason, this answer didn’t cut it with him.

Most of the stress of Potty Week did not come from fear of accidents or the constant hawkish watch I kept for “signals” (you moms who’ve done this will know what I mean), but from the other two kids. And it wasn’t about the potty, not at all. It was about Fish and the extra moments of my attention he received.

The thing that bothers me most: Fish is the happiest I’ve ever seen him—has he been shortchanged in the attention department these past years? And what of his siblings? They had grown so accustomed to him getting less, that now they bristle at the praises and treats showered on him.

The week was a full one, but an important one as well. Despite my intentions not to do so, I see now that I have been treating my middle child as, well, a middle child. And it took a potty to open my eyes.

All Mothers Lie

Mother: (enters two-year-old's bedroom) Why, child, you're swimming!
Child: I wet. I drink lots!
(Mother undresses child and piles all sodden clothes onto sodden sheet and sodden mattress pad)
Child: (throughout process) No! Want jams!
Mother: But your jams are wet. Do you want to be cold and wet all morning?
Child: Yes.
(Mother starts dressing child in shorts and shirt)
Daytime Jams!

Child: (crying) No! Jams! Jams!
Mother: (smiles sweetly) Oh, but these are jams. They're daytime jams.
Child: (thinks) Oh. (smiles) Okay!
Sneaky Mommy.

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