Internet Troll Strikes Again

Well, they did it again. That whoever-with-too-much-time-needs-a-day-job troll who swiped my original blogspot sub domain has added more content. And, as before, the content is mine, taken from the ever useful internet archive. Shown here:

I love the Wayback Machine!

Seriously, that hair.

That's me, when I first started blogging all those eons ago. I had only three children then, and short hair! I remember designing the key graphic from photos I found on Flickr (Creative Commons, of course) and spending hours and hours and hours staring at lines of code, deciphering it like an archeologist studying a stone tablet. I was so proud of that little blog. And it served me well. I got my first editorial contact through it (hi Mick!) and developed a following - in a genre I no longer write in, but that's beside the point. It seems my old, defunct posts have been resurrected by this, this *spit* hacker.

One post stolen still lives on my current blog: this one. Who knows, maybe I'll bring back the others just for kicks.

The thing I don't understand is why? A few posts link to weird little websites, and the same weird websites (from the same IP address, interestingly) are linked in the sidebar. I'd assumed the thief was using my content to drive traffic to real businesses, that actually sell something, thus earning, like, you know, real money? Because hello, trolling the internet archive for posts from 2006 on some random mother-of-now-five's old blog and copy/pasting them to one's own hijacked site is really time consuming. And if you're not making money from it, then why do it? To troll me? Because s/he is bored? Incapable of writing his/her own posts? Mentally ill? All of the above?

Maybe I should be flattered. I mean I know I'm a Totally Awesome writer and everything, but maybe I'm awesomer than I thought. Maybe I'm so amazingly brilliant this Ukranian-Panamanian-MN-dweller just couldn't help himself from, uh, helping himself to my words. That must be it. Right? I mean, I'd steal this. Totally.

Click to enlarge and read the posts. Or, maybe not.

Because I know between nursing the baby and searching for another child's lost wallet, and responding to emails from my editors and driving my teenager to orientation and trying to get my toddler to please god just poop already, I really have time to be emailing my lawyer friend. So to this emorphous Whoever (Whomever?): take my intellectual property off your site. Please.

On the upside, the nostalgia of browsing the Wayback Machine is just. So. Amazing. Like this:

Did I mention I love the Wayback Machine?

An Update of Paprika, Pepperplate and other Cookbook-Recipe Apps

Once upon a time I was trying to find a recipe I knew my grandmother had sent me in an email. I thought I'd saved it in a Pages doc somewhere, or maybe it was still in Gmail, or on an archive disk. Or maybe ... As I dug through my computer files, I realized I had at least a dozen folders of bookmarks with Must Try or Recommended recipes, eats I never remembered when I was doing my bi-monthly meal planning. I needed a way to keep my cyber-recipes organized and all in one place. Obviously my Pages doc wasn't working for me anymore. So off to Google I went, in search of anything that could help me organize this culinary mess.

One of my new favorites: Cauliflower Pizza Crust!

About the same time I got my first tablet, a little Android thing for Mother's Day that broke in the first few weeks. But I discovered Pepperplate had an app as well as online recipe box. I set it up, and continued to use it with my inherited-from-my-son first gen iPad, and then with my current iPad Mini. I had to do most of my organizing via my MacBook Pro, however, for the simple reason that Pepperplate's app doesn't allow you to add recipes. An annoyance I could work around, although it slowly grew more and more annoying. If only they'd make a few changes to the app! But Pepperplate hadn't had an update for their app in a long time, if ever, and the service is free. Would it disappear from cyberspace, taking all my recipes with it? What other options did I have? So I did what any OCD pregnant lady would do, and started looking.

Some of the main players I discovered are Yummly, Allrecipes, Evernote Food (or something like that - I'm not into the whole Evernote world), BigOven, Pepperplate and Paprika. I have specific needs and wants for a recipe organizer, so while I downloaded Allrecipes and Yummly, I didn't really play with them very much. They don't meet the minimum requirements of: Must be able to add my own recipes/edit the recipes I keep, Must have a meal-planning feature, Must be available offline because, believe it or not, I'm not always connected to the internet. I actually really liked Yummly and Allrecipes for finding new meals, so I'll probably keep them around, but they won't be my go-to apps for cooking or meal planning (and I could just as easily browse their websites so when my iPad is full, they'll go bye-bye).

I posted earlier, my initial thoughts. Now my update: I am still using Paprika, have not looked at Pepeprplate once and deleted the rest off my devices! Paprika wins!

The Joy of Robots - Or What Happens When Some Slimy Poo-Head Steals Your Name AND Posts!!!

A few weeks ago I did some digital housekeeping. I switched from GoDaddy to Hover, went from Blogger (set up as a website) to Squarespace, and had to decide: what to do with my blog? This little place with all its beautiful randomness? I didn't want to roll it into my website because, really, it's so random. But I didn't want to lose it either. So I did what any indecisive, foolishly trusting individual would do. I went to that little "settings" tab in Blogger and changed the address of my blog.

"I'll be a little more anonymous!" I'd still have my 'News' section for writing-related things on my website, but here I decided I would post to my heart's content without worrying that my son's school chum would find all the juicy details of his childhood, or my homeschool friends would realize I - gasp - cuss like a sailor, drink wine, and believe in ghosts (maybe). And my left-wing writer friends won't know I've - double-heart-attack-gasp - voted Republican. More than once and not by accident! I felt so free! I could sing, I could dance, I could-- Ok, never mind.

I switched the address, and a few minutes later checked to see what the 404-Page not found page looked like. I typed in my old address and saw, "This blog has no posts." It seemed weird at the time. Like, What blog? There shouldn't be ANY blog there because I had just not five minutes earlier owned that little square of internet real estate. I didn't think much more about it for another week.

Fast forward that week. I noticed something annoying: my page views had plummeted. POOP! I guess I needed to re-think this switch. So I decided, oh so decisively, to go back to my original address (I mean, it's my NAME for heaven's sake, it's not like Nike or TasteTheRainbow or anything anyone else would want). I typed it in and got the error message: This Subdomain is Unavailable.

What? WHAT? My own name is unavailable? In the course of one week another person with my exact name took my blogger subdomain? So I typed in my old address and my stomach dropped into my socks. My. Own. Posts, interspersed with spam-like affiliate links.

Yes, my friends, someone trolled my blog archives and STOLE my content. Like this post from June 4, 2007:

I've had trouble stringing two thoughts together lately, largely because we're planning to list our house soon. I've spent far too much time scouring MLS listings and wondering why the hell everyone can't just be like me. Who would ever call a 6'x8' closet a fourth bedroom? I have rugs larger than that. 

And this one from May 23 of the same year which I had DELETED off my blog because it was a book review that I felt later was a little too snarky. I had to find it on the internet archive. Here's a screenshot:

Did this spammer-thief-moron think I wouldn't notice?!? Wouldn't report them to Blogger using every report-link possible? Wouldn't post about it? Yeah, bub, look forward to having your blogger privileges revoked and your cyber ass kicked from here to Sunday.

Yeah, well. I feel a new sympathy for those who suffer identity theft. I mean, if I'm this upset and feel even slightly violated for having my name and a few posts stolen so someone with WAY too much time on his/her hands can earn a few bucks with affiliate links, I can only begin to imagine the helpless rage someone would feel if their name, bank accounts, finances, even reputation were lifted and/or ruined. Hopefully Blogger will remedy it soon, and Google will learn to forget that old blog address. On the plus side, I'm having fun playing with the Wayback Machine. I guess everything we post really does have eternal life - on the internet.

Paprika: My New Cooking BFF (as compared with Pepperplate, BigOven, Yummly, Allrecipes, etc.)

Once upon a time I was trying to find a recipe I *knew* my grandmother had sent me in an email, and I *thought* I'd saved it in a Pages doc somewhere, or maybe it was still in Gmail, or on an archive disk. Or maybe ... Plus I had at least a dozen folders of bookmarks with Must Try or Recommended recipes, eats I never remembered when I was doing my bi-monthly meal planning. I needed a way to keep my cyber-recipes organized and all in one place. Google to the rescue! 

About the same time I got my first tablet, a little Android thing for Mother's Day that broke in the first few weeks. But not before I discovered that one of the sites for collecting recipes also had an app. Bonus! I ended up downloading and using Pepperplate, and continued to use it with my inherited-from-my-son first gen iPad, and my current iPad Mini. I continued to do most of my organizing via my MacBook Pro, however, for the simple reason that Pepperplate's app doesn't allow you to add recipes. An annoyance I could work around, though it grew annoying. If only they'd make a few changes to the app! But then I started to worry. Pepperplate hadn't had an update for their app in a long time, if ever, and the service is free. Would it disappear from cyberspace, taking all my recipes with it? What other options did I have? So I did what any OCD pregnant lady would do, and started looking.

Some of the main players are Yummly, Allrecipes, Evernote Food (or something like that - I'm not into the whole Evernote world), BigOven, Pepperplate and Paprika. I have specific needs and wants for a recipe organizer, so while I downloaded Allrecipes and Yummly, I didn't really play with them very much. They don't meet the minimum requirements of: Must be able to add my own recipes/edit the recipes I keep, Must have a meal-planning feature, Must be available offline because, believe it or not, I'm not always connected to the internet. I actually really liked Yummly and Allrecipes for finding new meals, so I'll probably keep them around, but they won't be my go-to apps for cooking or meal planning (and I could just as easily browse their websites so when my iPad is full, they'll go).

The three that did meet my stringent and demanding specifications (ha) I'll look at in-depth below.

1. Bigoven

Cost: $20/each and every year forever (assuming the price never goes up!)

What I like: 

• The meal planner at first glance is awesome! I can drag-and-drop meals to reschedule them, and it will even integrate the weather forecast, so I don't go planning a dinner of grilled pork chops when it's going to rain.
• I also like that I can check off items I already have before adding them to the grocery list.
• I can add recipes from supported sites with one click. Smooth and quick.
• The built-in recipes look yummy, and the "use leftovers" function is sweet.

What I don't like:

• Adding items to the menu involves a scroll-wheel-thing, which doesn't work well with my visual mind.
• There's a definite limit to supported websites, and adding recipes from non-supported sites is a pain in the arse.
• Not all that intuitive to use and I'm not fond of the colors/weirdness.
• Ads, ads, everywhere ads! Blech!!! Look at the screen shot above. It's crazy!
• And the cost to get rid of ads, have unlimited recipes, etc. is truly absurd in the app world. I mean, $20 a year? Every year? Forever?

2. Pepperplate

Cost: Free!!

What I like:

• The grocery shopping list is quite intuitive, and I can move aisles around to match my store. They don't always *stay* moved around, mind you, but in theory...
• I can change servings of a meal when I plan it. Useful if we're having guests, etc.
• The layout is highly simple, clean, clear. Easy to read, search, etc. It's the best looking of the three in my opinion.

What I don't like:

• I can't reschedule meals easily (at all?). 
• I can't tap a meal in the planner and pull up the recipe.
• Ingredients get dumped en masse into the grocery list.
• Sync is slow and grocery items often sync incorrectly.
• I can't add online recipes from my iPad at all. 
• Adding from websites (from my computer) often doesn't work, as there are very few supported sites, and adding manually is slow.
• Limited to one timer, and one recipe open at a time.
• Often loses it's place when I switch from any other app back to this one.

3. Paprika

Cost: $4-ish for the iPad app, another $4-ish for the iPhone app. They sell a Mac app too, but I don't think it will be necessary.

What I like:

• Relocating planned meals in the planner is fairly easy. I do wish it were drag-and-drop, though.
• I love being able to tap the meal in the planner and go straight to the recipe.
• Same with the shopping list. If I have an item and I wonder, "Gee, what recipe needs two cups of fish sauce?" I can tap the item and find out!
• Sync works great.
• I can "pin" several recipes and toggle between them. So if I'm making chili and cornbread at the same time (how daring!), I can easily pull up either recipe without having to leave one and search for the other.
• Likewise, each pinned recipe can have it's own timer. Now THIS is awesome.
• Importing new recipes is a breeze. There's a built in browser that's fairly fast and imports from almost every site in one click. No joke. I was testing out how it worked with non-supported sites and really had a hard time finding one.
• For those rare blogs or sites that aren't supported, cut and paste into the app is done on the same browser screen and is EASY. Truly.
• Plus, if I'm browsing in Safari and run across a website with a great recipe, I can copy the addy, and when I open Paprika, the app will automatically ask if I want to open that link, thus saving me the steps of clicking to the browser and pasting the addy in.
• I haven't played with the "pantry" function, but I *think* I can tell the app what I have on hand so those things won't go on my grocery list. I'd rather check things off individually like BigO does, but I'd have to use this feature more to say more.
• Like Pepperplate, I can scale a recipe when I add it to the planner. A nice feature for a big family where many/most recipes end up doubled (or more!).

What I don't like:

• It gets tedious to change categories in the grocery cart. I wish the cart would just LEARN that aluminum foil is with Cleaning Supplies and not in Home and Garden. Is that so hard?

Conclusion: Although I like Pepperplate's price best (who wouldn't?), Paprika's ease of use is so superior, it's worth the normal "app" price of $4-5. Even paid twice, it's worth it. It could be improved a bit, but that goes for almost all apps. It's an invaluable kitchen tool and opens a whole world of culinary exploration that doesn't involve buying/storing dozens of cookbooks. If I seriously couldn't spend anything, Pepperplate would be ok. It would limp along and sort of serve my needs, kinda. BigOven, on the other hand, though really cool and packed with recipes, is just not worth the annual fee. Had it been a flat $19.99 purchase price, maybe I would have considered it. But that cost every year? I just don't dig subscriptions (another reason I don't do Evernote). Paprika does all BigO does, much of it better, all of it for a teeny-tiny cost.

Forgive Me, My Beloved Scrivener, for you have no iOS

Dearest Scrivener, after these several years of our shared bliss, I confess ... I have been unfaithful. You did not provide the one thing I so sorely need. You promised, oh how you promised. Year after everlasting year you boasted, "It's nearly here! Be patient dears!" All for nothing. Empty words, disappointment after disappointment. I could wait no longer.

Since 2011 Literature & Latte has been proudly forecasting a "Coming Soon!" iOS version of Scrivener. Apparently the app is still in development, but a growing contingent fears the promises will end in vaporware. I wanted to remain one of the faithful, but with four-going-on-five children, most of my writing happens in parking lots, at swimming practice, McD's play place, the park, etc. etc. And with the gear Mommy-Pack-Mule must schlep to these places (jackets, hats, diapers, toys, snacks, sippy cups, "Mack" the Magical Blanket...) my trusty MacBook Pro simply will not fit in the old saddlebag. But my iPad Mini will.

So I cheated, Scrivener darling. I downloaded Storyist for iPad and the free trial for my Mac. I read reviews and comparisons, transferred over my WIP and discovered the delight of total writing freedom!

I will (possibly, I hope) write up my own detailed comparison. But thus far Storyist is more intuitive and easier to use than Scrivener, and for my current WIP it has every feature I could want. So you see, my dear Scrivener? We may adore you, your beloveds, but our patience will not last forever.

Why I Will NOT Use CafePress, and Why You Shouldn't Either!

A year or so ago I tossed some of my artwork up on CafePress just for kicks. Within a few months I gained a few contract design jobs through it (folk noticed my artwork, didn't like CafePress's prices, so I made a custom design and pointed them to other vendors), and made about $6. Woohoo. Thrilling.

Then I logged in to find a bizarre shop in my "My Shops" section. Admin_CP7945435.

Initially they made an iPhone 5 case (shortly after the iPhone 5 release) with a small markup. I thought, "Cool! Maybe this is a featured product! That's cool, even if it's only a few bucks in my pocket!" In fact, here is that product. Note the small markup:

So I let it go. But today I logged in to see more products in the mysterious Admin_CP7945435 shop. Yet now my more popular artwork is appearing on products with no markup.

No markup means no profit - for me. In short, CafePress slapped my art on their products and sold sold sold. They didn't ask permission, didn't notify me, just claimed rights to my images and ran with it. Here's another one:

For the mathematically challenged, $0.00 markup means $0.00 profit for me.

I am more than a little peeved by this. I did notice in the Terms of Service that they are allowed to use my images for marketing and such. But does that right apply to selling my stuff without my permission or my knowledge, and without giving me a penny? Was the first iPhone 5 case a "trial run" to see if I'd notice their creepy little Admin_CP7945435 shop, if I'd close it or let it sail?

I put an email in to customer service - we'll see how they spin it. But my days using CafePress are Over as of - my cursor is hovering over the "delete shop" button - Click! - right now.

Symbaloo: My New BFF

Thanks to Mud Pie's 2nd grade teacher, I discovered Symbaloo. Which is really nothing more than a cross-user, cross-platform version of Safari's "Top Sites" start page. Well, ok, it is more than Top Sites, because with Symbaloo I can make a webmix (or mix of bookmarked sites - that's visual rather than a pulldown list), and I can put it as the homepage for each of the kiddos. What's more, they can each have their own customized homepage!

I can put Dance Mat Typing and Starfall on Mud Pie's, Spelling City and TimeMaps on Fish's, and National Geographic and Kitchen Chemistry on St. Nick's. Along with about three dozen more - each. Each kiddo can have a customized background, too. Even Rowdy has a home page, though there's not much on it since she'd rather eat the mouse than click it.

Solved is the problem of Fish starting up the computer, clicking Firefox, and surfing away to Gamezone or some other time-waste site. Solved is the problem of finding a great educational link, emailing it to myself, losing the email beneath a zillion others, and forgetting about it entirely. I can add and delete links at will from my computer - no more logging on to the Family Dinosaur to change up the kids' home pages or nagging St. Nick to visit such-and-such site. Any changes made from the master webmix will be reflected on any computer where that webmix is displayed! How cool is that? What a fabulous educational resource!

MIT Courses for FREE?!? Kitchen Chemistry

So, ok, I've been neglecting my dear little blog for Pinterest and the Benjamin Moore color picker app because I'm eyeball deep in remodeling projects. But as an aside, the other day I did a random search for "Kitchen Chemistry" - since we'll be doing chemistry next year for school. What should I find but this?

MIT, yes, that MIT, offers a free, online course in Kitchen Chemistry. The course syllabus is a list of culinary delights. Guacamole, Death by Chocolate Cookies, Scones and Coffee. Sound like fun? Do you think St. Nick is going to be taking this class on his own? Not a chance.

St. Nick is truly looking forward to this (Pancakes!) and was blown away by all the other fabulous offerings in his areas of interest. So was I, not to mention courses in MY areas of interest.

The Same Dumb Mistake

What is with me/us? We keep making the same moronic decision year after year after ...

This morning Dr. D and I had the last of our hastily rescheduled parent-teacher conferences. Today, St. Nick. Overall a glowing report. He's smart, creative, a good kid. But in eerie similarity to Fish's conference last week, St. Nick is distracted, unfocussed, rushes through his work without attending to detail. Fish, in addition, talks obsessively and in great detail about Minecraft.

Minecraft. Ah. Ugh. Mine-crap, we've come to call it (with a German accent, of course - Mein Crap!).

In many ways it's a fabulous game. Not even a game. A creative universe. I mean, I've played the pocket edition a couple of times. I dug a tunnel through a mountain and marked the entrances with torches and made a staircase to the mountain top where I started on a house before I got bored. If I had patience/coordination/unlimited TIME to waste, I could easily spend hours and hours and hours creating all sorts of cool places. And I don't even know how to spawn or make a crafting table! St. Nick has won awards of some sort for his skins and other designs. Fish talks on the phone with his school chum while they both play on the same server. I hear little shrieks of, "No, no! He got my pickaxe! It was a diamond pickaxe!" Jillions of parents rave about and defend the game, saying it's educational and creative and encourages all the right things.

Another Upside to the iPhone 5: Cutest Purse-Bag-Diaper-Bag-All-In-One Ever

Dr. D ordered the magnificent iPhone 5, so I will inherit his old iPhone 4 (no Siri! *sob*), which will be a huge step up from my dumb phone - a T-Mobile pay-as-you-go with teeny-tiny keyboard and ability to do nothing beyond make phone calls. Oh, did I say it could make phone calls? Strike that. The ability to make phone calls when I'm in range. Which would be almost never.

Whatever. The end result of this switch: I needed a new bag with separate pockets for phone and keys so my keys don't, duh, scratch up my phone! An added bonus: it should be large enough to hold Rowdy's baby basics, but small enough so I don't knock over adult men (my old diaper bag is the size of a guitar case). And since I'm never happy with bags off the shelf, I decided to make one.

After a few days of obsessive pattern searching (free patterns of course), I settled on this one, which shows how to make the cute-as-a-button diaper bag below:

A few alterations, like decreasing the overall size since I wanted a handbag more than a diaper bag, plus a week of maniacal sewing ...

Monday Madness: You Write the Caption!

I began the painful process of going through seven+ years of digital images (everything since getting my first digital camera), and some are so bizarre they defy words.

Or do they? Perhaps I just haven't found the *right* words!

How did I get a Website for FREE?

Or almost free. I purchased a couple of domains through 1&1 Hosting, and would you believe it? I got a starter page using their website builder. Free! A simple, five page website that I can customize pretty much however I like, for zip.

I must say, that's pretty sweet. And the design options aren't bad, either. Certainly a huge step up from googlesites. I knew there was a reason *not* to use the ubiquitous Go Daddy! Seriously, try it out, and not just because I'll get a little happy boost if you do. Though happy helps.

 

That being said, I do see limitations with the free site. I can't add custom HTML, for example. I found a workaround for that - in a very simple way. Add an image, highlight the image, and turn it into a link. Then I could build "buttons" to direct people here or to various other websites. Not perfect, but perty dern good for what I paid.

Which would be, in case you missed it, nothing.

Fabulous Alternative to CafePress: Zazzle!

I just uploaded my first product to a Zazzle store. Too fun! And super easy.

Love Your Bump Canvas Prints by GrabillCreative
View more Pregnant Canvas Prints

Things I like about Cafepress:

• Easy to make multiple products, set up a store, etc. SO easy.
• Fun.

Things I don't like:

• Artwork has to be resized for most specialized products.
• Quality isn't always the greatest.

Things I like about Zazzle:

• Beautiful.
• Easy to change artwork for the given product.

Things I don't like:

• Shop set-up can be confusing.
• Product building is slow - with a few exceptions, you must make one at a time.

Since We Were Talking About Pepperplate

We were, right? Yet another Amazing Advantage of the uber-super recipe management tool: Pepperplate, which is like Ziplist and a host of others, only prettier and more powerful.

The other day I desperately needed to finish a Skype call with a colleague to wrap up a project. I also desperately needed to start dinner. Dr. D had been asking, "What are we having?" for like ever so finally I said, "Check the menu!" Because I print off the calendar page of Pepperplate at the start of the week and post it on the refrigerator.

The question then became, "What can I do to get started?" Which in the past would have been answered by, "You'll just have to wait!" Because unless it's tacos or spaghetti, explaining where the recipe is and how to find it (or the fact that I have no recipe, or how to follow the recipe but omit these ingredients and substitute those, etc.) is just too much.

Not this time! I said, "Look up the recipe on your phone!" So he did.

And would you believe it? Dr. D had most of the meal prepared by the time I finished my call! Now THAT is a Pepperplate success.

I'm Dyyyyiiiinnnnngggggg: Or, Why I Love Alice in Wonderland

Below is my second short paper for the Coursera class on Fantasy and Sci-fi taught-ish by Eric Rabkin. But a quick intro. This class operates entirely online, testing a virtual classroom template in which peers evaluate student work. At first I thought this was brilliant.

Awesome! The professor can record lectures in, like, 2009 and teach-ish a course forever! He never has to enter the classroom or grade a single stinky paper! But then I realized something. My peers aren't, uh, so good at this.

Sadly, with this second paper a got a few comments of agreement/disagreement and the rest, "You structure sentence not good done." Ah, well. At least the lectures aren't Peer Recorded.

The Sense of Nonsense

As Martin Gardner writes in The Annotated Alice, "Life viewed rationally and without illusion appears to be a nonsense tale told by an idiot mathematician." But what seems nonsense is the very sense of Alice’s Wonderland journeys, and it is what lends them power to inaugurate the genre of children’s fiction.

Alice’s Adventures are unique in part because they are told from a child’s point of view, yet Carroll also tosses adult expectations down a rabbit hole. He juxtaposes the adult and child worlds and infuses Alice’s plain understanding with a deep subtext of rationality. Everyone Alice meets, in very adult-like fashion, takes themselves and their goings on with utmost seriousness. Rabbit must have his gloves, "Off with her head!" the Queen demands of everyone she meets. The Hatter talks of watches that tell the year. And the Duchess quips, "flamingoes and mustard both bite,” which means, of course, “Birds of a feather flock together.” “Only mustard isn't a bird,” Alice replies.

Throughout Alice observes all this with a curious detachment, at one point thinking, “The Hatter's remark seemed to her to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.” At last she loses a bit of patience. As she begins to grow during the tart-theft trial, the Dormouse exclaims, "You've no right to grow here.” When Alice replies boldly, “Don't talk nonsense, you know you're growing too,” she proves that she, the child, is the only one in this mixed up world with even one whit of sense. As the Duchess says so blithely, “what a clear way you have of putting things!” Clear, indeed.

In this way Carroll establishes a tradition that future generations will emulate: Rational, commonsensical Alice takes the role of adult, while all around her are mad as Hatters or foolish as Idiot Mathematicians.

Librarians and Darwinian Natural Selection

I wrote a sonnet about my local library. Frustration does something interesting for me. I makes me creative. The quote, so ubiquitous now it's cliché, "Be careful or I'll put you in my book and kill you," has a delicious ring of truth.

The situation is nothing new. I've paid an insane number of fines this year. A book was stolen from my bedside when I was in the hospital with Rowdy. A DVD was put down the register. St. Nick squirreled a host of books in his bunk and insisted, no, he gave them to me. I just didn't feel like going to the library a few times.

And a bunch of movies were two days late because - who knows why - my computer bugged up, their server bugged up. That's the most recent, but was my hope for grace answered? My plea that technological issues aren't necessarily *my* fault. And even if they are, can't you just be Nice? No. I need to "learn my lesson." I suppose so. One thing I've learned, no more DVDs from the library.

I've been thinking quite a bit about why this sort of thing bothers me so much - because it's not just the library. Any time there is an injustice, where an All Powerful Authority exercises that authority capriciously, without concern for human dignity or grace or, in this case, rationality, I'm thrown. More important, when I'm facing an Authority against which I have no recourse, I'm doubly thrown. I feel helpless, violated. And mad as hell. Those who know me understand why.

So I wonder why those who excel in library services do so well? I would be a lousy librarian. Largely because I hate Capricious Authority. I am unable to survive beneath it and just as unable to be it, which I suppose is why my kids are so, uh, spirited. Dr. D might question whether I'm capable of being an Authority at all. Hmmm. Maybe a few whoopin's to "learn them kids their lessons" would work wonders.

Anyway, Dr. D suggested that if you give someone a modicum of power, baptize it with an advanced degree, that person - who knows their job could be done by anyone with a pulse (his words) - feels validated, entitled to their Pound of Flesh. Take away the degree and add the Baptism of Marriage or Parent or Teacher and you have precisely the mix of qualities that drives the abuser. Insecurity x Power x Entitlement. Which circles back to why this sort of expression so bothers me.

So I have no choice. The library is a bureaucracy where customer service is an unknown concept. If I want to use it, I have to take my whoopin', by golly. And if I don't come back? What they lose in fines (I am a regular contributor, you know) will be made up for in tax dollars. Plus, I would have to actually - gasp - buy books.

Which might just be less expensive. Regardless, at least I got a sonnet out of the thing. Whoever said "Words are cheap" obviously did not use the public library.

Oh, and I already had this:

Which has thus far earned me $9.60. Shhh. Don't tell the librarians! I'm sure they'll find a way to fine me for it.

How to Read Your Movies: Kindle, Aldiko and More

I was looking for (free) content for my kindle/eReader and didn't want the typical free stuff - classics and self-published drek full of typos and hackneyed plots and characters. Plus I wanted to research screenwriting, beyond the handful of books I've read in the past year. 

Since reading fiction is the best way to improve in my writing, the same would hold for screenplays, yes? Yup. Add to it, once you get used to the format, which is WoNkY as H@cK to the uninitiated, screenplays are really fun to read.

And heaps of them can be found online in PDF or other formats, totally free. My fave source: Script-o-Rama. Hard on the eyes, yes, but zillions of totally free scripts. And another list, the Black List ...

I now have a bunch of scripts in Aldiko, and have had some fun surprises. Like Bridesmaids was funnier as a screenplay. It was so funny that, though I'd seen the movie already, I rented it again after reading it. Because the read had me in stitches. But just like the first time, it wasn't as funny as I'd hoped. Humor on the page vs. humor on screen ... huh. Who knew they were different?

Next in my TBR pile, folder, whatever: Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Let's see if breathless longing feels the same in text. I hope so.

Coursera Sci-fi and Fantasy: Unit I The Brothers Grimm

And are they ever Grim! One of the very first stories in the Crane translation was, "Death of the Hen" in which everyone died in the end. As someone pointed out in the class forum, it's like Hamlet with fowl.

For some reason this story stuck in my craw (har har!). So I decided I'd look into it a bit more and write my first paper about it. Yup, this online class through Coursera (ultimately through University of Michigan), Fantasy and Science Fiction: The Human Mind, Our Modern World, requires papers. 270-320 words on every unit, one unit per week. FUN! (No, I'm not being sarcastic.)

The paper isn't due until tomorrow, so I have ample time to change my mind. Because, truly, I could write a whole BOOK on Grimms' stories. Every one of them has some fabulous little nugget - about writing, wisdom, history, the nature of story and its role in human development, on and on.

LinkedIn Fail

Over the weekend I received a LinkedIn request from a friend and accepted it. Then I made my oopsie. I thought of Dr. D and how he said, "Wow, I have two zillion connections on LinkedIn, how many do you have?" Uhhh, I don't really do LinkedIn. But why not? It's a good networking tool, right? RIGHT? So why not add some people I know. But who do I know? People I email. Like in my Gmail, and look at that, right there on the screen is a little button to link me with people in my Gmail. Cool!
Uh, not cool. Because I am an idiot. I clicked the link and saw a screen to check the people I knew, but it only showed, like, thirty? So I checked a few and clicked "Next Step." I thought (stupid stupid) that the Next Step would be to see the next thirty contacts from Gmail so I could click the people I knew.

Nope. Uh-uh. Instead an invite went out to all the zillion people I've ever sent an email to. People I've bought stuff from (or sold stuff to) on Craiglist, people I sort of know, people I don't know at all, people I'm not convinced are real people.

For example, I am now connected to Rajneet. I'm sure you're really a great person, and a real person (ummm), and I'm delighted to have you in my network, Rajneet.
Whoever you are.

And here would be "Graffiti Fail"

On Working With Pepperplate

Last week I committed myself (noooo, let me finish) to using Pepperplate for meal planning, shopping, recipes. And oh my word, how my life has changed.

I think this will be more meaningful if I show what my meal planning process used to be ...

Imagine it: Every Saturday (ideally, usually Sunday or Monday) I sit with my favorite cookbooks, recipe books, a notepad and paper. I write up what's on sale or what I have a coupon for. Then I plan out the week. I make the list on a sheet of scrap paper with three columns drawn. I add items from recipes, leaving off things I already have, and I organize the items - sort of - according to the layout of the grocery store. So long as I don't forget to add something, I'm good. But look at those cookbooks! One is a beautiful out-of-print thing from the 90s. The others? Yes, they are photo albums with index cards as dividers. Useful for keeping my favorite recipes close at hand, but a pain in the !#$#& when I'm looking for something a little out of the ordinary. And a real pain when I forget to replace the recipe after I've used it.

Add to that, lately when I've wanted to use up the frozen blueberries, or a can of tomatoes, I'll just look online. Allrecipes, food.com, and others have become my favorite places to type in "zucchini bread" and surf until I find a recipe that uses coconut, chocolate chips, zucchini, and apple sauce. My old homemade recipe books? They've collected a layer of dust.

So using Pepperplate is natural, right? Indeed, it is! I've added 96 recipes so far. My favorites from Taste of Home, plus a heap of new ones that look so delicious I can't wait to try them. Cornmeal pancakes? Mexican quinoa? Can you say YUM?

Planning meals for the week is as easy as a click. I can search for what I have on hand, then I add it to the weekly plan. Another click adds all the ingredients to the shopping list. I thought I would be annoyed having to go through and delete the items I don't need to buy, but it's a good way to double check. I may think I have enough flour, but if I need flour for bread, pancakes, and three other meals, I may just have to buy more. Plus! (wait for it) I personalized the grocery list so items automatically fall into categories that are then organized according to my store's layout! Woot!

The final bonus? The grocery list automatically syncs with my little tablet and with Dr. D's phone. So he can stop at the store on the way home, and I don't have to worry that he'll forget something. I've resisted the whole paperless movement - I love the feel of a book in my hand - but first my e-reader, now Pepperplate. What will be next? An iPhone?