We've tried the trick-or-treat thing once or twice, and more recently we've gone to harvest parties. This year I'm dressing up as the Halloween Scrooge! BAH HUMBUG! (Actually, this year there's no harvest party so we'll be hiding in the basement having a Movie Night Pajama Party, complete with popcorn.)
1. The same kids keep coming back, and on the latter visits they shout indignantly, "Hey! That was only one! You gave me three baby Snickers LAST time!"
2. If I bother taking the kids trick-or-treating, we have to walk half a mile to find a house with the light on. And we live in the city.
3. Sometime after 10pm, a drunk 18-year-old trick-or-treater who isn't in costume will ring the doorbell and demand candy. It won't matter that the porch light has been off all evening.
4. There’s not much point to a costume if you have to wear a snowsuit over top of it.
5. Except there will always be at least one crowd of pre-teen girls roaming the streets without snowsuits, without clothing, too. (Costumed as the Spice Girls?)
6. However much I enjoyed dressing up as a Hatchet-Murder-Victim in my youth (I was a macabre child), I am disturbed by my own child’s interest in the fake blood and oozing scabs on sale at the grocery store.
7. The pumpkin three weeks after Halloween, which has frozen and thawed several times and is no longer, ahem, orange.
8. Candy wrappers in the yard.
9. The reminders for parents to check their children’s candy carefully for signs of tampering. Or rather, the need to issue such reminders.
10. How disappointing Halloween must be for those who dress in costume every day. (Click here.)
11. The whispers I’ve been hearing that local shopping malls will soon be dressing employees in giant pumpkin suits so little children can stand in line to go sit on the pumpkin’s lap and tell him what they want for Halloween.
12. Tomorrow morning all the stores will trade out their Halloween decorations for Christmas.
13. A celebration of evil and death and horror. Personally, I don’t think any of those things are worth celebrating. Do you?
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