Struggle of Fatigue

Oh, am I ever tired today. Exhausted, more like. And of all days, today is an "activity" packed one - painting, using the balance, possibly transplanting our seedlings before they REALLY outgrow their little cups. And I'm just so tired.
Growing toward outgrowing
But we've been doing it and now the kids are started on apples and plums so I can take a much-needed breather. And the contest. The results are in, nothing else is happening, I've switched over my blog, now I wait. Yet another reason to feel tired, depressed, just out of the excited energy I had before this weekend. No more looking forward. Just the same old things. Can I go back to bed?

Maybe breakfast would help. Let's try that.

Three Weeks Down, Twenty or so Years to Go

I'm looking at baby pictures of Mud Pie - she is so beautiful. And crazy St. Nick. Can I freeze these kids now? Can I hold on to them at this moment in time and never forget the little details - the terror of the first thunderstorm, the awe of swimming goggles, the fun of a wading pool and a hose?

This is what I wanted. It really is. I didn't want what we had last year: harried race to school to drop off St. Nick, frenzied hours at home batting Little Fish away so I could quick get some things done, race back, hurry through lunch, off to naps, up to get Dr. D from work, back for dinner, errands, bed. I lost precious time with St. Nick - with all of them, really. Mud Pie's first year is lost to me. A blur of car rides, papers to sign, field trips, obligations.

Our home is family now. Do I have more work to do? Less down time? (No down time.) A harder task of juggling home, husband, kids, writing? Yes. But I also know more. I know what crafts St. Nick enjoys most and what books get his imagination going. I get to see it. I don't have to wait for a Progress Report - a stranger's assessment of my child - who is, to her, a stranger as well. I know him, and after three weeks of homeschooling, I know him better than I did three weeks ago.
Am I in this for the long haul? You better believe it.

Second Fencing Class

I just can't stand it - he is trying so, so hard but this week his awkwardness and my lack of competence shows. And I can't stand it. I watch him get into the on guard stance with the wrong foot forward, his left hand ready for a foil. But he's RIGHT handed! I wanted to go over that more this past week, but I didn't. I didn't do it and he felt bad. He spent so much time trying to get his feet in the right place and to fence with the foil in the wrong hand - oh, it about killed me to watch it.
fencing class
Fencing class, take 2
How can I sit by and watch my child struggle? Or do it wrong? He felt beaten down and I felt descouraged. And the coach told the parents to put their kids in sweats, NOT jeans. Of course, the sweats made it in the wash this morning but not into the dryer. And he needed shoes instead of sandals and ... I'm failing.

We didn't get our reading done today. I'm failing. On all fronts, failing. And all I'm thinking of is me. Didn't I just have a birthday? Isn't it time I grew up?

He didn't have as much fun as he should have, and it's because of the things I forgot or didn't do or just wasn't on top of enough to review. How can I do this to him?

Only One Solution

And that is to cut out morning TV. I could let St. Nick watch educational videos and do computer during his siblings' naps (after phonics, unless we can get phonics in after lunch), but no TV in the morning. I just cannot have the morning broken up with the talking box like it was today. It was only 20 minutes, but it sets us back, ruins the flow of what we're doing.
And it causes fussiness galore. I think he'll prefer educational video/computer time in the afternoon anyway.

I'm also considering doing Tapestry three days a week and Science one day, yet that doesn't seem like enough for Science. Hmmm. Math and Reading need to happen daily (well, the four days a week we do school).

I can see so much growth already, so why do I still feel like I'm not doing anything?

Ta Da DA!

Mud-Pie-Muffin can PULL UP!

About time, pokey fourteen-month-old pants.
So Proud!

Second Week Record

Despite starting the week with two sick kids...
Two Sick Kids
Phonics/writing: Reading Reflex 'er' word list with associated lessons (reading of The Hurt Girl). Lots of writing practice with the Nature Journal and Word Bank Cards (about six cards added - nouns and one verb). Both handwriting and phonics are going slowly and are a struggle. Not for ability, but there's a block somewhere. We'll get it in time.

Math: Singapore Earlybird 2A continuing from last week through lesson five. Going smoothly. We might join friends for a lesson next week.

Tapestry: St. Nick can identify the Nile River and Egypt on a world map (which makes two places on a map he can identify - Egypt and our state). We talked about daily life in Egypt and completed the following readings:

Usborne Beginners The Egyptians
Egermeier's Bible Story Book: Creation plus Baby Moses and Jacob and the coat (noting setting of Egypt)
A Place in the Sun: chapters 1-3. I'm not quite sure how much he's getting. But he's tracking with major story elements, which is great.
Modern Rhymes about Ancient Times (Egypt): selections (about half)
Bill and Pete Go Down the Nile (again)
Geography from A to Z

Activities: Lots and lots of online activities. We viewed Egyptian art, pyramids, images, heard Egyptian music all using the links in the previous post here.

We made a salt map and went over landforms using Geography from A to Z. I took pictures, below.


St. Nick, entirely on his own, made a sarcophagus from a paper bag mask and a cardboard box (he understood exactly what he was making and transferred a rather abstract idea into real household objects).

(More photos of this week can be found at: http://smartypants.shutterfly.com)

We also looked at pictures of the World Trade Center bombing and talked about terrorism and patriotism.

Watched a video (several times) on the construction of skyscrapers.

We attended members night at the John Ball Park Zoo - the event was very busy and overwhelming, but fun. St. Nick drew a jellyfish in his Nature Journal.

Science: Did the How do Plants drink activity from Green Thumbs (p. 5), and St. Nick sketched his observations in his Nature Journal.

We transplanted our seeds from last week and continued sketching our observations. We read about seeds and seed parts (shoot and root are firmly established in his vocabulary now) using the Usborne Illustrated Encyclopedia.

Heart: We read Leading Little Ones to God, chapter 2, continued with our scripture memory verse and read much of God's Wisdom for Little Boys.

Etc.: We did just a few minutes of Chinese online. St. Nick washed the bathroom himself (!) and helped to dust/mop.

St. Nick attended his first fencing class on Tuesday which was a huge success!!!

En Garde!

St. Nick's first fencing class was last night, and I would give him an A+ (if I were into grading [as if. My killer instinct came forward. Get 'im! I wanted my boy to WIN!]). Actually, the better assessment, the class and instructors would get an A+.

This is the first activity of the sort St. Nick has done, and I was nervous he'd be nervous. He gets that way - at Sunday School (we still have to hear about the dreaded Angel Costume from the Christmas play. "Mommy, I am NOT wearing an Angel Costume Ever Again!"), at preschool last year when he'd sing all the songs at home, but none of them with the class. But he surprised me. He marched right in and said to the crowd of kids and adults, "I'm ready for fencing because I had a good supper!" And then the kids took to the floor while the moms and dads sat along the walls. (I'm a mom! I love this!)

At first, when he practiced his stance with his left hand forward instead of his right, I thought we were doomed. He doesn't know about dominant hands yet. I haven't taught him left/right yet. They'll find out what an awful homeschooler I am and will ... but then he got the foil in his hand and held it like a natural.

His inborn lack of coordination played in his favor. While the little boy across from him swiped and jabbed, St. Nick hopped forward, his foil straight ahead. Again and again he hopped forward until his opponent was forced over his line. And so St. Nick won his very first fencing non-match!
Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
(Update: St. Nick just got back from lunch at his friend's house, and they asked what sort of equipment he used - if he wore special clothes. His reply, "I wear my swimming pants and a monkey mask!" Oh, the joy of having a smartypants!)

Amazing Love

Today I'm 30. The Big Three Oh.

Started off with an argument with Hubby, three sick kids, and a phone call.
rebecca circa 2006
The big Three Oh Sh@t
The phone call made all the difference. It was my friend, calling to wish me a happy birthday and offering to take my oldest to the library with her three kids and keep him over for lunch. And when she came over, she had flowers, a card and a slice of chocolate cake.

I wasn't sure what to do or what to think - beyond being grateful and amazed and a little chagrined (I'm not quite sure when her birthday is). And a little sad that my mother will be taking us out for dinner tonight and my husband hasn't given my birthday more than two seconds of thought. I accept that he doesn't think about things like this, but it is a disappointment on the two days of the year I wish he would. (This one and Mother's Day.) Even perfect men have their flaws, I suppose.

I don't feel any different, being 30. I do feel different being a homeschool mom. I find out things about myself every day - like how I secretly do want uberkinderen and how competitive I am, and how if I continue to live vicariously through my children, I will put pressure on them to excel at things they might not even want to do. I'm a driven, moody, demanding, perfectionist of the worst sort.

So of course, accepting a gift from a friend, one given freely with nothing I have to do to repay it and nothing I had to do to earn it, except to love my friend (which I do!), is hard for me. Grace is hard for me too. I'd rather work hard for my salvation, and fail (as I know I would), and receive my due punishment, than to accept Grace. Free Gift? It makes me feel awkward, and a little desperate, and - God forbid - grateful.

There are many things I cannot do, many things I'm doing badly, yet I still have the love of my friends and the Grace of God. I'm not used to needing, but I know I do. I needed that phone call this morning, and I need the love of my friends, and I need that G thing. So, in case I haven't said it enough (not that anyone will ever read this), Thank You. I am grateful.

Recording in Progress: Week One

Books we Read:
The Nile River by Allan Fowler
St. Nick seems to understand a little about the Nile. He can find it on a map with hints and realizes it's a unique river in Africa. I should have known he'd enjoy maps - I love them. He does too!
Bill and Pete Go Down the Nile by Tomie dePaola
We ended up photocopying this (sorry copyright cops) but St. Nick has had more fun than anything coloring the copied pages. We stapled it into a book and he feels special ownership of it. We've read it several times.
Geography from A to Z by Jack Knowlton and Harriet Barton
This one is giving me an education! Bute, Cascade, Crevasse. Love it. This would be a good one for us to buy.
Deserts by Angela Wilkes
Packed with info. We haven't read the whole of it yet, but St. Nick loves sitting and looking at the pictures (his favorite is the story of the rattlesnake's kill).

Books we're Reading:
Egyptians by Stephanie Turnbull and Colin King
Secrets of the Pyramids (Maze Adventures) by Graham White
St. Nick LOVES this book of very creative mazes. (I like it too!)
Leading Little Ones to God
God's Wisdom for Little Boys
Egermeier's Bible Story Book

Projects:
We made an Egyptian Paddle Doll (craft from Old Testament Days by Nancy Sanders, page 52). We used paper for the dress because the paint was in the office where Mud Pie was sleeping. St. Nick made another three dolls entirely On His Own the next day! He wanted a family of Egyptian dolls.

We also took a virtual field trip of Egypt.

For science we read a few pages in Science With Plants and did the Seeds in a Bag activity from Green Thumbs (p. 25). We'll read more about seeds this coming week.

St. Nick started a nature journal (a sketchbook) and sketched his seed experiment and then his observations.

We worked through more Reading Reflex, but I'm thinking of switching to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. In Reading Reflex, we're onto the teaching the advanced code lessons. St. Nick still struggles with pages with too much text and really just needs a lot of practice. We didn't do any Bob Books and only a page or two from McGuffy's. Next week.

We did Earlybird Math K 2A, pages 3-12 with much enthusiasm.
singapore math activity
And four worksheets for handwriting with much complaint. We did do a handful of Noun cards for our wordbank (a notecard file box), and St. Nick seemed to tolerate writing the words and drawing pictures. We really need to work on handwriting, however. (Ug.)

First Weeks of Homeschooling

It's been a tiring week for all of us. Mostly I think we've struggled to forge new habits (still in process). Things like: less TV and computer time for St. Nick, less Mom time for me. And organization. Oh, my. I didn't think I had much planned for each day, yet I still haven't found time to do the phonics lesson for Day 4.

Why does it seem like I've done very little? I have all the check boxes checked off on my schedule, but I can't seem to recall what all we've done. A whirlwind, like those mission trips. The experience is so rich, yet the only memories I have are photographs. Tokyo? I know it's an amazing city, yet I remember only the stairs to the theatre where we saw a Kabuki show.

There have been moments I've wanted to sit down and cry, or sell Little Fish on eBay (jury is still out on that one), and yet I've seen a change in St. Nick already. He'll wrap his arms around me with no prodding, no, "Can Mommy have a hug?" Just out of the blue. And he'll say how much he loves me.

Homeschooling isn't about the curriculum, it isn't about checking off all the boxes. It's about this.
marshmallow construction homeschool activity
And marshmallows. It's also about marshmallows.

Call the Waaaaaaambulance!!!

I WANT MY LAPTOP BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot stand another day using the Family System. The keyboard sounds like I’m trying to nail my fingers into the desk, and rather feels like that too. The desk chair is too low (no, it’s not adjustable). The screen is tilted too high (just fixed that). I despise having to log in every time I want to check email. I detest having to fight a certain child when I want to check email. I ABHOR using a mouse.

(Imaging me stomping my foot.) I want my portability! I want my trackpoint! I want my NOTEBOOK COMPUTER!!! WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Tantrum complete. Unlike Little Fish, I will not make myself vomit.
Someday he will hate me for posting this...

Catastrophic Hard Drive Failure

No, I’m talking about my computer. Really. My laptop hard drive is toast.

It all began last week when Microsoft Word wouldn’t save my document. Out of memory? What? I know I’m close to running out of memory, but how would the computer know that? (Har har.) I worked around the error, rebooted and all was well. Well, except for overall sluggishness, so I ran some PC Doctor utilities (I didn’t even know I had them until then) and defragmented the hard drive (took seven hours). And who would have thought—it seemed fixed!

Seemed. Until yesterday.

12:14 pm Kids eating lunch, I decide to check email. But, odd, what’s that strange clicking noise? A fan? Not the hard drive. Certainly NOT the hard drive.

Flashback to early spring: A refurbished HP desktop, a Christmas gift for my oldest child, and it started acting funny. Hmmm, that’s a new error message. I’ll reboot and then I’ll get our files backed up just in case. Since the computer held the only copies of ALL our digital pictures. Yes, I am THAT stupid.

The reboot ended in the Black Screen of Death.

I feel the panic rising as my laptop clicks and churns. I had frantically reinstalled the operating system and cried with joy when our files miraculously survived the crash. I burned backups of everything and a good thing too. The files did not survive the next crash two weeks later. But that was the desktop, the Family computer.

This is my laptop. I won’t let the children breathe on it, I won’t let them look at it or even think about it.

12:18 Kids OK, computer very much not. I abandon the reboot idea and whip out my handy portable CD-RW drive, run upstairs for an archive disk. The last backup was February. February! Don’t I learn? I AM AN IDIOT!!!!

12:25 Wipe up Fish, tell St. Nick to quit messing in the sink already. Drag and drop files to the RW drive. My novels, my essays, my homeschooling files.

12:32 "Nicholas, settle down! Leave your sister alone! Quit jumping on the couch!!!” 12:36 Phone call from husband, I say, “Funny noises, yes, the hard drive, I’m doing a backup of the data, bye.”

12:48 I glance up at a shriek from St. Nick. He’s a foot away, just coming off a flying leap onto the sofa. He lifts his head and blood gushes from his nose over the sofa and onto the floor.

Oh no! I grab towels and once he’s assured he’s not dying (and I am too), and the mess is managed, I hear yet more grinding from the laptop as one of my larger folders gets added to the RW disk.

1:12 It’s well past nap. I grab Fish from the closet (where he’s playing dress-up with the winter coats) and Mud Pie from under an end table. St. Nick remains on the sofa with a paper towel.

1:29 Flurry of diapers, attempt at nursing, babes to bed. I check the Nose Bonker and he’s fine, so back to the files. The Most Important file did not get copied! Oh no! I drag and drop it, then decide to email it to myself, just to be sure. The computer freezes.

1:43 I reboot. All is normal. I try to start Outlook. A blue screen appears and the message: Unknown Hard Disk Error.

I give up my chair to St. Nick, who says using the computer (the Family computer) will make his nose feel better. Sure enough, it does.
Addendum: I will reboot two more times and will retrieve most major files. On the third reboot I will see the Black Screen of Death: No Operating System Found.

Taps will play. I will mourn. It is finished.

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